I am now living in Auburn, CA. This is a tiny ‘picket house’ town in Northern California. I didn’t choose to live here, I’m sort of being held hostage here by my son’s father. I have built a 10 year career as an international school teacher. The career is being put on hold during this hostage situation. Drew’s father didn’t go to school has doesn’t understand what he is doing to my career, but from what I have heard, narcissists have difficulty with empathy. He isn’t one to value higher education, let alone understand what destroying a well-built career can do to a person, especially a mother who is trying to set a good example for her son. But that is another entry.
I had been hired to teach 4th grade on a 2 year contract in Doha, Qatar. I had finally gotten my education and credentials situated, an my flight had been issued when I found out I was pregnant. I was 38 years old and the chance/opportunity to become a mother was right in front of me. Up to that point, I have lived a very charmed life. I had only myself to think of. I took wonderful holidays, shopped in designer boutiques, went to dinners with friends whenever I wanted to and made Ramen noodles when home alone to save myself from having to do dishes. I bought the best cosmetics. I slept when I wanted. I was good at my job because I had 24/7 to devote to it, and when you’re a teacher, those are pretty much the hours you work, except during summer.
I made the brave decision to have Drew on my own. My plan was to give birth to Drew in the states before going back to work. Drew’s father was very angry and did/said everything he could to pressure me into abortion. Surviving that every day was the hardest part of my pregnancy. But I had always wanted one child. I know I have my limits, and while I desperately wanted to be a mother, there are also other things I want to accomplish during this life.
One day, when Drew was just 3 months old, I was literally scrubbing the kitchen floor when a ‘friend’ of Drew’s father knocked on the door. I couldn’t believe Drew’s father actually had a friend who wanted to visit my new baby! He didn’t. Without any notice or discussion, I was served with an illegal move out order and my son was illegally taken from me. My entire adult life had been spent overseas. I had no where to go, no family and no friends. Because of domestic and sexual violence in my relationship, I had been put in contact with a safe house by my therapist in the area and had been speaking to them about my situation, they had a place for me and Drew.
During the hearing 2 days later, the judge did not address the illegal kidnapping of my son, the fact that Drew’s father felt I was ‘so dangerous’, yet broke his own restraining to stay in a hotel with my son and I. He was consuming illegal drugs WITH MY SON IN THE ROOM and CPS did nothing!! Not even drug testing him. I couldn’t believe this was really happening!!
I did what I do best! I created something out of nothing! I created a support group for parents in the area. Planning and facilitating play dates, movie nights and attending PNOs really helped me adjust to my new surroundings!!
I learned a lot from my new friends here in Auburn. I found out tactics that things Drew’s father is using to gain custody as escape child support are actually quite common. He used to bring home bottles of wine, lead me to think he was bring romantic and then anger me or hurt my feelings and then video tape me on purpose. He stole me medicals files. He even abused my prescription medication. He is unemployed, unable to make utility payments and cannot make his own car payments. Lawyers have indicated to me that he is pretty much looking for a ‘free ride’ through life. He has never lived on his own, been married or employed. He is 37 years old. So why did I date him? I was in between jobs, it was summer holiday. It was an extended one night stand. Of all potential father’s for my child, he is NOT a good example of what a man should be for my son. But I guess I have to play the cards I’m dealt.
To Julia on her 40th Birthday 